Sergei Matrosov is a senior NHS gynaecologist, working at a major hospital in the South-East. After qualifying as a doctor in St Petersburg, he faced the choice of earning a pittance in his vocation - or travelling to Britain, where he has worked for the NHS for the past seven years.
His blog about the idiosyncrasies of British life is followed by tens of thousands of Russians.
It does not dwell on NHS shortcomings - because Russian hospitals are, by and large, far worse. instead, it focuses on his patients and fellow doctors. These edited excerpts make for fascinating, if sometimes uncomfortable, reading...
THE UPPER CLASSES DO IT DIFFERENTLY
Jessica and Jonathan, an elegant, young, aristocratic couple, came to the maternity unit for the birth of their first child, who'd inherit the family name.
Fascinating insight: Russian gynaecologist Sergei Matrosov says British women are constantly falling in love with their doctors
They had prepared well, bringing a Bose stereo to fill the suite with relaxing music, as well as a blue light to make the atmosphere more intimate, rose petals for the pool and two bottles of Bollinger in a gilded bucket.
They also had a labour plan the size of War And Peace, printed on the best paper inside a luxurious folder. 'When the first contractions start,' the notes read, 'I would like the midwives to bring me a fresh cup of tea to help me feel stronger before the labour.
'In no circumstances do I want to have an epidural, as it contradicts my concept of natural birth.'
The problems started with the first contractions. Instead of sipping an invigorating herbal tea, Jessica announced with a steady voice that if she didn't get an epidural right now, 'this second', she would throw herself out of the window.
Even with the epidural, the second stage of labour [when the woman feels the urge to push] is always very interesting. Some women scream so loudly that birds crash to the ground; some push with teeth clenched; some demand a Caesarean; some give up and dive quietly into utter despair.
Well-bred Englishwomen have their own way. The contractions began, and like many woman, Jessica began to yell. Unlike other women, she made a point of saying 'Excuse me' after each exclamation.
I told her when the child's head appeared. She turned to me and said: 'Doctor, please be honest: the baby's hair isn't ginger, is it?'
'No Ma'am, it's not, I can assure you.' 'Very good. And would you be so kind as to sit Jonathan up in the chair? '
Jonathan, his face ashen, was slumped on the floor. He was revived, and the bollinger poured. Note: It is very profitable to bear kids in Britain. You get a decent allowance for each child, and families with many children are provided with free houses by the State.
As far as I can see, a giant number of 'professional mums' have appeared in England in the past ten years. They don't work and their only business, it seems, is to 'enrich' the country's gene pool.
BRITISH WOMEN ARE VERY DEMANDING
In Labour, Russian women are both more emotional and more patient. They can be screaming, and swearing, and demanding a Caesarean and a full anaesthetic, but if they are asked to bear it, they will.
It is quite typical for an English woman to insist on a spinal anaesthesia after the very first contraction, and then lie with an absent face, reading a fashion magazine, until the business is done.
In addition, English girls come to their doctors armed with the national statistics for their illness, a list of potential difficulties during the operation etc, and they want to know everything before they consent.
They themselves choose what kind of treatment they want: your role is just to go through all the pluses and minuses with them.
THEY'RE ALWAYS FALLING IN LOVE WITH THEIR DOCTORS
In Britain, women patients fall in love with their doctors at every step - especially psychotherapists, gynaecologists and plastic surgeons. Doctors pay for it by having their licence to practice withdrawn for ever.
The charges are often identical: the doctor 'seduced' a patient by abusing her trust. The verdict is harsh and means the end of his medical career.
Three years ago, my colleague, a surgeon, was operating on a strikingly beautiful girl, then looked after her during the recovery period.
They started dating after she left the hospital, then moved in together. After a while, he realised his love had faded but suggested they stay friends.
The girl then sent a letter to the General Medical Council saying this doctor used her illness to win her trust and exploited confidential information about her. ' Please punish him,' she wrote.
Stylish labour: He tells the story of a couple who brought a stereo, rose petals and bottles of Bollinger to the maternity unit for the birth of their first child
As a result of that, his career as a surgeon was over. I personally came across such situations only a couple of times. In one instance, I performed surgery on a nice woman, the owner of a bookshop.
After the operation, as she was getting better, we had chats about Dostoyevsky, Gogol and bunin.
Then she started sending me romantic letters. The last thing was a huge package containing Pushkin's collected works and a sad letter about 'a Russian Doctor Zhivago who cured my endometriosis but broke my heart'.
Then there was Miss S. As I started to examine her to check on her post-op recovery, she said: 'Doctor! I put these stockings on specially for you.'
'Miss S, to help your leg veins, you need a very different kind of stockings.'
'I know, Doctor, but these are Wolford - do you like them?' (At our last appointment, she'd presented me with champagne, flowers, chocolates and an invitation to see her work.)
'The surgery is healed very well,' I told her. 'Please get dressed and have a good day.'
I can't, of course, vouch for all, but I can say that most gynaecologists, me included, are very much aesthetes: yes, certainly we see a huge number of naked women - stunningly beautiful, just beautiful , and not very beautiful. but I think it's very bad sexually to desire your patient.
Sexual desire has no right to exist when we are talking about doctor-patient relations. [ Mr Matrosov is himself married.] The most- seduced medics are married surgeons aged 40 and older, all very successful in their careers.
I think it's not simply the mid-age crisis. Their consultations take a relaxed and informal tone, and bit by bit the line where medicine ends and romance starts gets erased.
Then the romance is over and suddenly everyone remembers who they are - but by then it is mixed up with offence, jealousy, pain and wish to revenge.
THEIR FEET SMELL
In Russia, hospitals expect women to bring their own clean socks. Sadly the same is not true in Britain. Sometimes, the stench is so bad we have to stop work and open all the windows.
You can't tell a woman: 'Wash your feet, darling.' It might cause a court case and the English would see it as a rude intrusion into their privacy.
EVEN IN GYNAECOLOGY THERE'S A DEFINITE CLASS SYSTEM
Britain is a socially divided country, and each class has its own gynaecological problem.
High society girls quite often seek cosmetic surgery on their vagina, while those from the working class complain about painful periods and ask to 'get rid of them ever'.
We also get girls from the Middle East who came to study in Britain, and before going home need virginity-restoring operations. course, sexually transmitted infections hit everyone.
Belonging to high society doesn't guarantee a husband's fidelity and monogamy, especially given an inflow of extremely beautiful and very friendly East European girls.
A real problem we have in Britain is with chlamydia, which causes sterility. And there are a great many unwanted pregnancies - despite the fact that in England you can get contraceptives for free.
DANGEROUS OBSESSION WITH 'NATURAL' BIRTH
Do you want to know what this obstetrician goes through when working? 'Mr Matrosov,' says a nurse.
'The foetal heart rate is still at 60 per minute.' The monitors beep in the operating theatre; an emergency team is on standby.
Finally, that stupid patient gave her agreement for an emergency Caesarean. She deigned to concede.
Never mind that we actually should have performed it an hour ago when her poor baby had the best chances of being rescued.
'Mrs W, please sign the consent form. After you do it, the baby will be born within several minutes. Thank you.'
Just why do I feel so angry with her? It is her baby: she is responsible for him, not me. It's her baby who could die, not mine. I'm simply a doctor.
But in her determination to give birth naturally, this woman completely lost logic and common sense.
I told her: 'Go, go, go for the emergency Caesarean.' I gave her five minutes to think, then five more minutes, then half an hour. 'Up to you, Mrs W. While you ponder, your baby could be dying.'
I don't shout at you because I do not have the right . . .
We were lucky this time [the baby was delivered safely] - which is great. But I am going to ask Judith (another doctor) to talk to the patient's family - I can't face them.
[In Russia, senior doctors would have greater autonomy over such decisions.]
CLASS SYSTEM, PART 2
Rebecca came to our emergency ward straight from Ascot. I've never been to Ascot myself, but I gather this is the place to see the creme de la creme of society, particularly the charming English ladies with their extraordinary hats.
Rebecca, six weeks pregnant, felt ill after the first race, and her caring husband James brought her straight to the hospital where I was working.
She looked so out of place in her cream dress in the emergency gynaecology ward.
'I'm going to be sick right now,' she announced. I picked up a beige sick bag and placed it in front of Rebecca. The bag was almost full when I glanced at it again and felt my stomach sink. I saw an ostrich feather sticking out of the sick bag.
Accidentally, I'd passed Rebecca her own hat - undoubtedly worth a quarter of my monthly salary.
Feeling like an idiot, I apologised. She reacted like a true lady: 'Thank you, Mr Matrosov. I feel much better now. Please do keep the hat.'
- While the Mail knows Mr Matrosov's real identity, we have given him a pseudonym to protect patient confidentiality.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1288496/British-women-fall-love-doctors-bear-pain--candid-views-Russian-gynaecologist.html#ixzz0rZV4MmvM
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