http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1322389/Tips-putting-spark-marriage.html
By Maggie Arana and Julienne Davis
Last updated at 8:43 AM on 21st October 2010
Worried the sexual spark has gone out of your relationship? Afraid you may never be able to rekindle it? In their frank and funny new book, self-help authors MAGGIE ARANA and JULIENNE DAVIS suggest that it’s not necessarily boredom that leads to a dwindling sex drive — but the cosy, everyday things we say and do. Here, in their guide to regaining some va-va-voom in the bedroom, they explain why it’s never a good idea to give your partner a pet name, why a good row can help a relationship and why those cosy nights in front of Strictly have GOT to end . . .
Avoid the ‘honey’ trap
Sweetie, Dear, Pumpkin, Daddy Bear, Snookums — whatever your favourite ‘cute’ nicknames for each other are, you need to stop using them NOW if you want to put the fire back in your relationship.
Why? Isn’t calling your partner your ‘Love Bug’ just a term of endearment? Doesn’t it simply show how special he is to you?
No. Cutesy nicknames are fine when applied to a six-year-old child or the poodle, but they should not be used to describe the man waiting in your bedroom.
Reignite your love life: Don't call him a cute pet name and turn off the TV
Let’s face it, ‘Snookums’ might bring you a warm cup of cocoa and a couple of
biscuits in bed, but he’s not very likely to ravish you between the sheets.
To reignite the flames of sexual attraction in your relationship, you need to start addressing your partner by his proper first name (and he needs to call you by yours) — just like you did when you were in the early stages of dating.
It may sound overly formal at first, but take yourself back to when you first met, and remember how nice it was to say his name when you spoke to him or called his work and asked for him.
Argue more
This may come as a surprise, but arguing can be GOOD for your relationship.
As women, we tend to take the position of compromiser or mediator in partnerships and family — something we probably learned from our own mothers. But being the one who smooths the way in a partnership can lead to the watering down of our own opinions and personality.
It’s important not to let this happen if you want to keep the romance alive. Without the intrigue or frustration that occurs when your partner has different opinions to you, the necessary ‘frisson’ you need for an exciting sexual relationship is less likely to happen.
We have all met couples who seem to be mirror images of one another. Most people view this as a good thing, but it is not necessarily so. If a couple agree on everything and have the same tastes and personality as each other, what excitement can occur?
Remember, men are intrigued when they meet a women who has something interesting and provocative to say. It’s a turn-on. Don’t let your interests, tastes and opinions get swallowed up in your relationship.
Re-examine your tastes and opinions. Are they still really yours? Or are you letting his take over?
If the answer is the latter, it’s time to think carefully about your own views and be a bit more feisty in expressing them.
TV turn-off
It's a sad fact that many couples use TV as an escape from dealing with their problems. You can get so immersed in entertainment programmes or other people’s lives on reality TV, that you don’t take time to concentrate on your own life, relationship and, of course, sex life.
TV is the equivalent of bromide — dampening sexual desire as we stare at the screen, hypnotised. If you want to inject some oomph into your love life, you are going to have to start switching off the box and make more of an effort with your lives, both together and as individuals.
Wouldn’t you rather your life as a couple was so exciting, you wouldn’t feel the need to be entertained by watching other people’s antics on TV? This means opening up to finding new things you can get excited about, have a talent for and really love.
Maybe you once belonged to a book group, used to go walking with friends at weekends or attended cookery courses? Perhaps you could invite some old friends over for dinner? These are the kind of activities that will help you bring fresh experiences into both your lives.
Your partner will be thrilled to discover new and interesting things through you. With that, will come a renewed
interest in having sex with you.
In sync: But to be happy together, you should also spend some time apart following your own interests
Surprise, surprise!
Whether it’s a box of chocolates, roses or new perfume — when our man surprises us, it usually gives a nice lift to the day. It puts a smile on our face and warms our hearts.
Well, it’s the same in the bedroom. Throw a sexy surprise your partner’s way now and again to keep things interesting.
Your surprise doesn’t have to be something shocking, over the top or out of character to work it’s magic. A suggestive text, a massage, or a delicious dinner and an early night (with no TV) is probably all it will take to spice things up.
Just choose something you know he’ll like and that you feel comfortable with, and catch him off-guard.
Dress for success
If your usual attire at home is a pair of giant fluffy bunny slippers and an ancient, comfy nightie, you need to re-think your appearance. Would you have worn this get-up when you first got together? No? Then maybe a trip to the charity shop is on the cards.
As for your partner — if his favourite outfit is a pair of old boxer shorts with a fly that doesn’t close, it’s time to buy some new pants. Come on! Have some self-respect.
Stay separate — stay together
While it’s true that couples often get together because of all the interests they have in common, as the relationship goes on, a little effort has to be made to bring something new to the partnership to stop it getting tired and humdrum.
Having a part of your life totally separate from the family — even if it’s just attending a salsa class once a week — is a good and necessary thing.
If you want to keep the sexual sparks flying, your partner should never know you completely. We are attracted to those who seem elusive, who we cannot totally control or understand.
Remember, your partner is not your ‘other half’; you compliment each other, but you do not complete each other. Maintaining your individuality and keeping a degree of separation between you is what will keep the sparks flying.
Adapted from Stop Calling Him Honey And Start Having Sex: How Changing Your
Everyday Habits Will Make You Feel Hot For Each Other Again by Julienne Davis and Maggie Arana. To be published on November 1.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment